Why this? Why me?

Metal.  

It's known to be "too much" or "just noise". It's said by outsiders or "normies", to be filled with dirty, smelly, hairy men. Foul mouthed, crazy tattooed women, who aren't "ladylike". Loose morals. Drunken antics, Reprobates.  

I completely agree.  

And I'm so happy to be here! 

However, what I have found to be truer than any assumption or shitty stereotype, is that I have never felt more at home, more accepted and more at peace with who I am, when I'm in a crowd of likeminded people who like it loud, who like it heavy, who want to fuck around in a pit, to the beautiful sounds of screaming guitars, brutal blast beats, and having a grown ass man (or woman) growl at them for a few hours. The love I have for this scene is all encompassing and has been the longest relationship I have ever had.  

Since I was 15, 20 years ago, and first heard Children of Bodom's 'Trashed Lost and Strungout' from their 2005 album 'Are you dead yet?' I was hooked. I remember sitting in a guy's bedroom in the summer holidays, having my mind, body, and soul blown away by this new sound.  

The guy was someone my French teacher wanted to introduce me to. He knew I liked rock music and thought this guy did too. What he didn’t know was that this awkward meeting would become a life-changing moment for me. The guy couldn't speak much English, I couldn't speak much French, it was awkward and painful. So, I did what I do best and started talking music. We had been learning French by learning Lyrics. I still remember the song was 'Derrière Danse' by a band called 'Kyo' and I asked if he knew it. It's a simple, melodic, sad love song, that's kind of a similar sound to Feeder. Turns out he was not a fan. and that's when he put on COB. 

Over the years I have gone through so many different genres. Exploring music was and still is a huge joy to me. Before there was Spotify, we had to do all the hard work ourselves- less hard work than pre-internet, but it was still work! I would write a list on a scrappy lined piece of paper and carry it everywhere in case I heard a new song. I would sit and go through songs on Yahoo! Music, and I discovered Nu Metal in the computer room at break time. In year 9, I found bands like Crossfade, Mudvayne, Breaking Benjamin, Linkin' Park, Staind, Drowning Pool.... it went on and on and it was amazing!  

Then the big Emo Phase happened. AFI, Atreyu, My Chemical Romance, Marilyn Manson, Hawthorne Heights, Panic! At The Disco and Fall out Boy. I met a Scene Kid called Bambii from America, she showed me Norma Jean, Memphis May Fire, Underoath, and Kids in Glass Houses.  

However, my discovery of finding music was a lonely one.  

I went to private schools, which took up all my spare time doing other things- I hardly had time to go into the "real world" and meet people with the same musical interests. Everyone around me was into the music that was played on the radio- posters of 50 cent, Justin Timberlake and Eminem in the dorm rooms was a stark contrast to my pages out of Kerrang! and Metal Hammer magazines that I had stuck all over my walls at home. I remember vividly sitting in the corner of a study, with my portable CD player, listening to "The Curse" by Atreyu.  

My school friends didn't understand why I liked these songs that were so lyrically dark, some who were religious were so worried they had serious chats with me; I couldn't understand why they couldn't see the beauty in the darkness, the complexity of the guitars, and how awesome the fast pace and heaviness was! It gave me something incredible, but I felt almost like something was wrong with me, and as a teenage girl, that was hard. But I didn't care. Life can be hard. And dark. And heavy.  That music gave me release when I didn’t yet have words for what I was feeling. As a teenage girl, that mattered. A lot. 

Then I turned 18. 

I was introduced to the local metal bar; my sister's friends invited me out after I had to give college up temporarily due to an injury. This was another major life changing moment, but I wouldn't realise it for a while. 

For the first time, I was surrounded by people who got it. I could say “I like this band,” and instead of confusion, there were shared stories—albums, gigs, band members, ridiculous moments. There was dark humour without judgement or soul-saving interventions. It was perfect. I wasn’t weird anymore. 

 Well—at least not for liking metal! 

This feeling has continued as I have ventured through life. It got busy. Being a single mum to two boys is hectic. For a while I couldn’t have the social life that I had before. I felt that I had lost my identity. I was Mum, and nothing else it seemed. But as the boys, and I, got older, I found myself again. I guess that journey never stops, and we continue to grow and change as life does, but luckily, I have incredible friends, in and out of the Metal world, who accept me in a way that is so important. I have built my community. 

And isn’t that what it’s all about?  

One of my dreams with Moonriff Media, is that we can build a community together. One that has a passion for music, whether you're a fan like me, or working to make the music happen. Whether it's being in a band, working behind the scenes, or part of putting the live shows on. I want to know what it takes to make it in an industry that is so raw and unyielding.  

The community is so accepting of everyone, so friendly, whether you know each other for one gig, or for a few days at an annual festival. Whether you’re working together long term or featuring on a single. This is a community that is supportive of one another, and I would love to bring that to the forefront. To celebrate it, and to learn, and to delve into this world deeper than before.  

So that’s me.   

I’m Kelly and I’m a proud metalhead, I'm here to stay! I welcome and invite anyone and everyone, to join me in this new project by sharing ideas, sharing stories, sharing music, and hopefully this too can become its own community. 

I have a lot to learn, so bear with me! But I'm feeling so hopeful that I can help bring you fun, informative, and interesting content. 

Finally, to answer my initial questions:

Why this?

I’m at a point in my life where things got a little turned around. Like everyone, I’ve dealt with my mental health—and when that slips, it can be terrifying trying to find your way back into the world. This is me taking those first steps back. And what better way than immersing myself in what I love, what brings me comfort, and where I feel most like me?

I also love to write. I’ve never done it professionally, but when a wise woman called me a “wordsmith” at 11 or 12, I knew writing would find its way into my life eventually. So—why not this?

I’m dyslexic and dyspraxic, which means some things will always be harder for me. That might show at times. Mistakes will happen. But I’ll do my best—and I think that’s enough.

Why me?

Imposter syndrome gets us all. Some days we feel solid in who we are; other days, not so much. But I’m learning that my voice is just as valid as anyone else’s. Or maybe it isn’t—and that’s okay too. I suppose the better question is: why not me?

I’m not here to prove anything. I’m an open book, here purely for the love of music—live music especially. For following bands from their earliest days and watching them grow. I’ve been a fan of this genre for over 20 years. It’s woven into my identity, and my passion for it runs deep.

So, with no further ado…

Let the fun begin, and the chaos reign.